Where did the time go? I can’t believe it either. Thank you guys so much for supporting my blog. Your feedback is encouraging, motivating, honest and very much appreciated. For those of you who started reading a year ago…THANK YOU! For those of you who just recently joined our awesome group of readers…THANK YOU! For all of you who have shared Family Back Talk with others…THANK YOU! And to all my “silent readers”…THANK YOU TOO!

I’m excited. I’m overwhelmed. I’m elated and it’s all because of you guys. To date, I have published 42 articles (including this one). Family Back Talk was created to share my family with yours. My goal is to bless, encourage, motivate or simply entertain my readers. Prayerfully, I’ve done just that. Speaking of my family, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my husband, Jimmie and our two daughters, JiMia and Jaelyn (yes, they have names) for allowing me to share our family business uncut and unedited.

Once again, from our family to yours…Thank you. We did it!

When I saw the hurt in our daughter’s eyes and how she struggled to hold back her tears, I immediately became defensive. Can my child where her own costume first, before sharing it? We didn’t even know the other dancer she was giving it to. And to add insult to injury, the other dancer would actually have to wear it twice before giving it back to our daughter to wear once. That was sooo not cool.

Not feeling spiritual at all, I’m repeating to myself, “What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?” Sure enough, there was a “ram in the bush” that calmed me down. She actually knew the other dancer and her mom very well. In a calm voice she said, “Kristia, it’s okay. You don’t have anything to worry about. They’re good people”. But I heard, put yourself in their shoes. (Thanks Ms. K.) I took our daughter to the side and said okay this is a lesson in humility. We’ll be fine. This is a temporary fix and we’re not going to be selfish. I also reminded her that she was still missing a skirt.

Let’s put ourselves in their shoes. The dance instructor was in a bind and probably asked herself, “Who would be understanding and willing to help me?” In other words, who has her back? We do…and I’m glad she knows it. Now let’s think about the other dancer. She doesn’t have a costume for not one, but two of her dances. And to make matters worse, she has to borrow from someone she doesn’t even know. She’s probably thinking, what if the costume doesn’t even fit?

By the time it was all over, not only did the other dancer wear my daughter’s costume, I also offered to style her hair for the remaining four competitions. Wow…I know… you didn’t see that one coming. Neither did I, until I personally introduced myself and saw a need. We are all surrounded by opportunities to help one another. If you don’t know where to start, simply put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

A little reluctant, she agreed to participate. I told her to look at it as practice for her next project; preferably a paid one. The day before the contest at school, she was extremely sick and spent most of the evening in bed with no appetite. Dropping out was not an option. The next morning she picked out her “It’s showtime!” outfit, took some medicine for upset stomach, and headed off to school. This time there were only nine participants, and the judges were from a local college nearby. Before the announcer could finish her name, the crowd went wild! No stranger to the stage, our daughter approached the mic, took a deep breath and recited her first poem. The applause were overwhelming. Round two was no different with the exception of a standing ovation. She felt great about her performance and enjoyed the attention, of course. And the winner is….not her.

That’s right, she didn’t even place. She looked over at her Literature teacher. “I’m so proud of you”, she said. Surprised, disappointed and hurt, she kept her head up and congratulated the three winners. That’s our girl! “Mommy, I don’t understand how I can go on auditions, get paid to perform and not even place at a school contest”. “I know baby. It’s their loss”. To her surprise, later that evening she began receiving text messages: I can’t believe you didn’t win. You should have won. You were the best one up there. You are a “phenomenal woman” (the title of one of her poems)! She text back: Thanks guys.

The next morning the unthinkable happened. As she walked down the hall, her classmates began the applause all over again. Even two of the winners congratulated her and told her she should have won first place. Teachers also congratulated her on a job well done. One even had “phenomenal woman” written on the board when she walked into class. We don’t know what happened, said another. As for her Literature teacher, she had the class give another standing ovation and the class next door joined in. Wow….losing never felt so good!

On a different note:
It would be selfish to share our family joys and not acknowledge Haiti. Words can not describe what the people of Haiti are experiencing right now. I commend every worker, volunteer and country for their efforts and support. Our family prayers go out to Haitians all over the world; and we will continue to do our part in helping as well. In the meantime, I dedicate this song on their behalf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztCZ1NMhNPU  .

Be blessed.

Based on its definition, help is considered a good thing. Surely, we all have received, given, needed or wanted help at some point in our lives. As early as our preschool years, we strive to become “good helpers”. Unfortunately, as with many things in life, too much of anything is not always a good thing. In my opinion, help shouldn’t hurt, but it often does when it’s overextended or abused.

If you help your child with their homework it’s good. If you do your child’s homework for them, you interfere with your child’s ability to learn. If you help your child budget their allowance it’s good. If you give them money every time they want to buy something, you interfere with their ability to learn financial discipline. If you help your child complete a difficult task it’s good. When you decide to take on the task yourself you interfere with their ability to grow and think independently. Helping our kids, family and/or friends is a good thing; however, when it’s overkill that’s exactly what we’re doing-killing the progress of the one(s) we’re attempting to help. Again, this is just my opinion. I’ve experienced and witnessed a lot of brokenness from people just trying to help.

When it’s our kids, when make the excuse that we don’t want to see them struggle as young adults. Question…did we prepare them for young adult life? If we did the best we could, we have to learn to let go; even if it hurts. Many times, homes with an adult child or children still living with their parents (for whatever reason) develop unhealthy relationships among themselves. The overextended help provided by the parents often hurts their marriage and or relationship with the child. If you don’t believe me, go visiting. We all know at least one family that fits this description. If this is your family, think about the last time your child said, “Thank you for letting me stay home until I get my sh_t together”. Let’s stop inhaling the tension and take the necessary steps to move forward and regain loving, healthy relationships with our spouses and/or children.

Nonetheless, when it comes to family members and/or friends, we’re just as passionate about helping. Jimmie and I have helped many people over the years. We got alot of “thank yous”; but we also received some “I never asked for your help” (after they took it of course). Some of us loan money to help; and it does the first few times. After awhile it only hurts the financial growth of the individual and usually the relationship between the two. We try to help a family member or friend get on their feet by helping them find a job. We type up resumes, help them fill out the job application, and maybe even set up an interview for them. How do they say thank you? Usually they say it by not showing up for the interview or work on time. The sad part is, the cycle doesn’t end and we later find ourselves  helping them again in the near future.

All I’m saying is help shouldn’t hurt. Based on its definition, it’s not suppose to.

About an hour later I learned our bank account was in-between blessings; meaning funds were not available to pay the hairstylist. As I reached for my phone to call her back I said to myself, “Humility is a beautiful thing”. I explained our financial situation and cancelled the appointment. Less than five minutes later, my stylist called me back and said, “Stop by Chick-Fil-A and get me a fruit salad and bring that baby”-referring to our youngest teenager. Totally surprised I said, “What? Are you sure?” She said, yes. Remembering my previous article “Just Say Thank You”, I said, “Thank you”.

Not only were we blessed to get my youngest daughter’s hair done, I was also able to do the oldest daughter’s hair right there in the salon. Thanks again, Ms. T.  My plans were to be a blessing and we ended up being blessed instead. Just think…all for a fruit salad!

Do you have a praise report you’d like to share?

As we get older, have you noticed how often we don’t say “Thank you”? Think about it. How do you usually respond to a compliment? Probably like many of us, with an explanation. For example, those are nice earrings. My husband bought them for me for Christmas about two years ago. Just say, “Thank you”. Or, that’s a nice top. That color looks good on you. I went to the mall for something else and found it on sale. Just say, “Thank you”. Let’s be real. The person giving the compliment doesn’t care; if they did, they would have posed a question instead. Not to mention, we’re not teaching our kids how to accept compliments. How often does someone extend an act of kindness and we politely reject it? Lunch is on me; you paid last time. No, it’s okay. You don’t have to. Just say, “Thank you”. Stop being a blessing blocker. Maybe they need to sow that seed. Again, what are we teaching our kids?

Our daughters learn more from Jimmie and I, by watching what we do; not listening to what we say. If we don’t acknowledge a blessing (big or small), they won’t either. Like many of us, they’ll take compliments and/or acts of kindness for granted. If we don’t continue to say “Thank you”, they won’t continue hearing it. And if they don’t hear it (you know where this is going), neither will God. We teach our kids to thank God by thanking Him ourselves. Do we give thanks as much as we should? I’m pretty sure we don’t. Will they? Hopefully more than we do.

With that being said, let me say this “Thank you”; each and everyone of you for taking the time to visit my blog and read my articles. I am prayerful that you are blessed, encouraged or at least entertained by them. My goal is to post new articles every 2-3 days. Thank you all for sharing my website with friends and family. Furthermore, thank you for your comments.