I personally don’t recall ever saying I’m happily married; although I enjoy it. I think it’s a cliché and a little cheesy. However, my opinion is just that…mine. So the other day I asked Jimmie what did he think and he said for him it’s the same as saying he’s happy to be married. I’m thinking…cool. That’s always good to know. But still, isn’t happy a feeling?

Are you happily married after a heated discussion with your spouse? Are you happily married when your spouse is unemployed? Are you happily married in spite of your in-laws? Are you happily married when you feel unappreciated or misunderstood sometimes? Are you happily married when it’s obvious you and your spouse are hardly ever on the same page? Again, I’m just asking. What exactly does it mean?

If I had to define it, I’d have to agree with Jimmie; happy to be married. Am I happy all the time? Are you? I’m happy most of the time. What about you? Are you happily married? What’s your definition?

Now some of you know that Jimmie and I have been married for almost 20 years. Some of you also know that we get along about 95% of the time. Well, this article is about the other 5%.

Of course, when Jimmie’s home we try to maximize our time together; with and without the girls. I tweak our daily routine and some things get put on hold; like my blog. Anyway, last Wednesday I was going over my list of chores when my husband offered to do the laundry the next day. I’m thinking okay…I’m low on panties and bras…but one more day won’t hurt. And besides, that’s one less thing I’ll have to do. The next morning, Jimmie decided he would also cook lunch for him and the girls, while I was at work. I’m loving it, because all I have to do is go grocery shopping and decide what’s for dinner when I get off. To easy, I know.

Apparently lunch (chicken tacos) took all day because it was the reason the laundry didn’t get done. I was so upset I started praying “Lord, the outcome of this situation can go in so many different ways. Please help me with my mouth because I don’t trust myself.” After I showered, I immediately began laundry; only to run out of detergent. Communication was at a minimum. Off to the grocery store I go. Tired, but who cares. Ordered pizza, finished laundry (he helped) and that was the end of that; so I thought.

Jimmie later wanted to know why I was upset, he said he would do laundry and didn’t know why I went ahead and did it. Now ladies…I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. But since I had already prayed, I was prepared to respond without raft. I simply said, “Because it’s just the two of us, when you decide not to do something, I do not have a choice. I have no options but to get it done. I know you said you would do it; however, your track record makes that statement only 50% true leaving a 50% chance for you to put it off until tomorrow and I needed clean panties and bras”.

The subject changed and that was the end of our 5%. Pick your battles people. It can help simply an unpleasant situation.

Jimmie came home last Tuesday; after being away for five weeks. Were the girls and I excited to see him? Most definitely! Although we talk to him everyday on the phone, (several times a day) it doesn’t compare to talking to him in person. So much happened while he was away; like our 19th Wedding Anniversary, Mother’s Day, the big argument the girls had recently, our youngest daughter’s eye injury-twice in one week, two dance competitions, two out-of-town trips in one weekend, etc. Likewise, there were so many things to show him; like our oldest daughters cap and gown, her diploma plaque, my new blackberry he ordered online, mail, you name it.

The next morning I woke up and decided that I was going to have a great day all because my husband was home. Surely, I could breathe a little easier having him home and not have to worry about him being in harms way when he’s away at work. Speaking of work, shortly after I got there, I found myself watching the clock. Just the thought of him waiting to see me after work made me smile throughout the day. That’s when it happened…my moment.

That inner voice said, “Why haven’t I seen you this excited to see me? I know being with your husband makes you happy, but what about the joy I bring? When was the last time you watched the clock, anticipating when you would spend time with me again?”

Now, I don’t have to tell you all what was going through my mind. I’m thinking “Oh my gosh…it was true.” I’m always talking about Christ and sharing my relationship with Him with others; like you all. I’ve been slacking on showing Him how much I love and appreciate Him. Let me just say this and I’m done. Don’t allow yourself to get so caught up in your daily routine that you minimize your quality time with the one who makes your existence possible. Make sure everyday you celebrate life, you celebrate Christ. Don’t get caught like I did. Check yourself…because if you don’t, He will.

Let me just be clear, by no means do I claim to be a marriage counselor… my blog, my opinion, moving on.

Marriage is a beautiful thing! It’s the perception of what a marriage is suppose to be that I believe contributes to marital conflicts. In the early days of “Family Back Talk”, I wrote an article called Let’s Get Married; which basically talked about what a marriage IS NOT. One of the things a marriage is not and will never be is perfect. The word perfect is defined as: entirely without any flaws, defects or shortcomings. Therefore, a perfect marriage would be defined as: a marriage that does not include you (or me). Let’s be real for a moment.

A marriage is a fulltime, never ending commitment we chose to be apart of until the day we die. Point blank. That’s right, we all agreed to stick and stay through the good, the bad and the ugly (with the exception of abuse and/or adultery). I’ve heard frustrations of marital loneliness, lack of family involvement, communication strikes, dissatisfied sex lives, and so on. What I rarely hear are reasons why we chose to get married in the first place. It’s easy for us to focus on the negative in our lives; even if you are married to him or her. I always challenge people to remember the good times and/or what brought the two of you together in the first place. Think about all the things the two of you have accomplished over the years; not just the kids. What made you laugh so hard, tears rolled down your cheeks? What is the one thing about him/her that makes you smile behind their back? What made you choose your spouse over previous relationships? Or better yet, what are some of your flaws he/she knew beforehand, yet still married you anyway? I’m just saying… I know for a fact nobody can love on me and have the patience to appreciate me and my shortcomings (family included) like Jimmie, and vice-versa.

My point is this: Whatever your marital status is at the moment, make sure at the end of the day you can go before the Lord and know that he is pleased with you. Do your part, not your spouses; just yours. I’m not saying it’s easy. If it was, this article would be pointless. Most of us had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we went before the Lord, seeking His blessings when we got married. Try going before Him, seeking His guidance to stay married. After all, marriage is a beautiful thing!

While you think about it, here’s a little something to vibe to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjpOQz1FRkQ .

It was nice having him home for the girls’ spring break. Our youngest daughter reminded us that it would be the last one we spend together; since our oldest daughter will be graduating in a few weeks and headed to Auburn University in the fall. Even though it’s been 18 years, I’m not sure if Jimmie and I are really ready for this new chapter in our lives. We’re all a little excited as we slowly turn the pages towards the unknown.

As I sit here and reflect over the past 20 years of my life, I realize life is not complicated until we try to perfect it. Live, love, laugh…why is that so hard? I’m learning that it is only when we acknowledge life’s imperfections and began to embrace them, that we then open the doors to appreciate and enjoy the life we have.

Yesterday, Jimmie was so quiet I could hear his thoughts. His eyes said what his mouth wouldn’t. We both know when he leaves for work, a piece of him will stay and a piece of me will leave with him. He’s the part of me that worries. I’m the part that reminds him that we’re okay. Last night we danced in the middle of our living room, to “Love of My Life” by Brian McKnight. Live, love, laugh…it’s just that simple.

I remember the first day I met you, we were so young. You were a blessing, there was no guessing. You were the one. Love is so crazy. We had a baby and said our vows…
                                                                                                                          -India Arie

The first day I met Jimmie, we were 17 years old, standing in line to register for classes in college. Two weeks later, I called my mom on the phone and told her I met my husband. I didn’t know him; but I knew him. By the time I was willing to admit that I liked him, I had already fallen in love with him. At the time, he didn’t care how I felt. He always said he had enough love for the both of us. A year after our engagement, we found out we were expecting a baby, and married three months later.

Our marriage isn’t perfect and that’s cool. Because guess what? Neither is yours. Jimmie is my calm, my comfort. His heartbeat keeps the rhythm in our relationship. I could not have picked a better father for our daughters or a better man to spend the rest of my life with. I’m very proud to say, “I’m blessed to have a good man”. I love you Jimmie!

Now maybe it’s just me, but if I didn’t know any better, I would think India Arie was really talking about us. What do you think?

Yes, I am the straw that stirs the spiritual drink in our home, the glue that holds us all together, the one who knows where everything is around the house, the multi – tasker, thinker and communicator. Wait…I’ve just described you too, didn’t I? Trust me ladies, I know I’m not the only “Queen” taking care of the King’s business! Some of you missed that.

Question: What do you do when you don’t feel like being that strong, intelligent woman all the time?

Maybe it’s just me, but every now and then I don’t want to be the responsible one. Every now and then I don’t want to know what I know. Every now and then I want to erase the “S” for super tattooed above my breast. Every now and then I want to … But I can’t, because every now and then I’m reminded that I was not created to please me. Determined to please my Maker is where my strength overrides my weakness to please myself. Jimmie and the girls simply reap the benefits.

We’ve never met. I do not know him. It is unfair for me to comment or say what type of person he is, was, or should be. As a Christian, I have to refer back to John 8:7 (NKJV). It says: So when they continued asking Him (Jesus), He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” Are we not all sinners in one way or another? Just because our personal sins have yet to be exposed, does that make us better than the next person? Is it wrong to commit adultery? Yes. Does it matter how many times? No. Is it our job to expose someone’s sin? No. Should we seek financial gain? Definitely not!

One of many reasons are girls are taking a break from the Film and Fashion Industry is because I’ve learned some things about the business that I did not agree with. In my opinion, the girls were not ready for that type of attention and lifestyle. It’s so easy to lose sight of who you are, mistreat the ones who love you the most, and become a puppet/slave to the American people. In some cases, I believe once America brands you a “celebrity”, they feel as though they own you and your right to privacy. The American people dangerously assume the role of God and believe they created you and have the right to destroy you and everyone you’re connected to; if they chose to. Think about it…we now have popular television shows that focus on exposing the lives of “celebrities” at all cost. What is that about?

Recently, I found out a man is having his legs amputated right before Christmas. His wife’s hours at work were cut and their home is in foreclosure. They have one child, a daughter. Struggling to hold her family together, the wife called a friend crying because she doesn’t know where their next meal will come from. I had the pleasure of meeting that friend; as she purchased a gift card for grocery.

Ordinary people, just like her, are coming together to help friends and families in need. Tiger who? My point exactly…

“I know my daughter. She can find someone better than that”. “She’s no good for my son. He’s making a big mistake marrying her”. “They’re just in it for the money!” Or how about this one, “She must be pregnant.”

You’re probably laughing because you’ve heard or made at least one of these statements before. Now, the statements may be true or false. Parents and people in general fail to realize, just because we do not support a couple’s decision to marry doesn’t mean the marriage will be unsuccessful. I tell people all the time, “It doesn’t matter how you start…it’s how you finish.” At the end of the day, that’s what’s important. We need to also understand that it’s okay to disagree with our child or loved ones choice of mate. It’s even okay to share with them (notice I said “them”) why we feel the way we do. It’s not okay to decide we’re not going to be supportive and publicly reject them among other friends and loved ones. Mom and/or dad, that’s not cool. Don’t make your child or loved one have to choose between their relationship with you and entering a life-long relationship with their someone special. The results can be costly.

Marriage can and will be tough at times. Why add negative energy and harm the ones we love just because we disagree? If we really have their best interest at heart, shouldn’t we leave the door open so they can walk right in and share when they need to?

Based on its definition, help is considered a good thing. Surely, we all have received, given, needed or wanted help at some point in our lives. As early as our preschool years, we strive to become “good helpers”. Unfortunately, as with many things in life, too much of anything is not always a good thing. In my opinion, help shouldn’t hurt, but it often does when it’s overextended or abused.

If you help your child with their homework it’s good. If you do your child’s homework for them, you interfere with your child’s ability to learn. If you help your child budget their allowance it’s good. If you give them money every time they want to buy something, you interfere with their ability to learn financial discipline. If you help your child complete a difficult task it’s good. When you decide to take on the task yourself you interfere with their ability to grow and think independently. Helping our kids, family and/or friends is a good thing; however, when it’s overkill that’s exactly what we’re doing-killing the progress of the one(s) we’re attempting to help. Again, this is just my opinion. I’ve experienced and witnessed a lot of brokenness from people just trying to help.

When it’s our kids, when make the excuse that we don’t want to see them struggle as young adults. Question…did we prepare them for young adult life? If we did the best we could, we have to learn to let go; even if it hurts. Many times, homes with an adult child or children still living with their parents (for whatever reason) develop unhealthy relationships among themselves. The overextended help provided by the parents often hurts their marriage and or relationship with the child. If you don’t believe me, go visiting. We all know at least one family that fits this description. If this is your family, think about the last time your child said, “Thank you for letting me stay home until I get my sh_t together”. Let’s stop inhaling the tension and take the necessary steps to move forward and regain loving, healthy relationships with our spouses and/or children.

Nonetheless, when it comes to family members and/or friends, we’re just as passionate about helping. Jimmie and I have helped many people over the years. We got alot of “thank yous”; but we also received some “I never asked for your help” (after they took it of course). Some of us loan money to help; and it does the first few times. After awhile it only hurts the financial growth of the individual and usually the relationship between the two. We try to help a family member or friend get on their feet by helping them find a job. We type up resumes, help them fill out the job application, and maybe even set up an interview for them. How do they say thank you? Usually they say it by not showing up for the interview or work on time. The sad part is, the cycle doesn’t end and we later find ourselves  helping them again in the near future.

All I’m saying is help shouldn’t hurt. Based on its definition, it’s not suppose to.