The apartment is conveniently located in a gated community and comes furnished with living room and bedroom furniture. Each room in the apartment has a bathroom and a separate room key. The girls will share the living room, the kitchen and washer/dryer. They’ll have full access to the computer lab, study/conference rooms and the University Transit; which runs  approximately every 10 minutes to and from campus.

Over the past two months we have been mentally preparing for this next transition in our lives. Since our daughter plans to work part time while in school, she’s already submitted job applications and gone on an interview. We figured this Fall she wouldn’t be the only one seeking employment; therefore, we decided to get a jumpstart on the competition. She’s already made her first major purchase “football season tickets”.

Everyone’s excited; especially our youngest daughter. She’s looking forward to her own bathroom also and possibly relocating to her sister’s old room. We haven’t decided how we’re going to get everything there yet. My sister and brother-in-law are on standby, should we need additional help. We’re done shopping for now. To date our daughter is still receiving graduation gifts and we are truly grateful. Jimmie and I would like to personally thank everyone for all the love and support that has been extended to our family.

WAR EAGLE!!!! It’s an Auburn thing.

Now some of you know that Jimmie and I have been married for almost 20 years. Some of you also know that we get along about 95% of the time. Well, this article is about the other 5%.

Of course, when Jimmie’s home we try to maximize our time together; with and without the girls. I tweak our daily routine and some things get put on hold; like my blog. Anyway, last Wednesday I was going over my list of chores when my husband offered to do the laundry the next day. I’m thinking okay…I’m low on panties and bras…but one more day won’t hurt. And besides, that’s one less thing I’ll have to do. The next morning, Jimmie decided he would also cook lunch for him and the girls, while I was at work. I’m loving it, because all I have to do is go grocery shopping and decide what’s for dinner when I get off. To easy, I know.

Apparently lunch (chicken tacos) took all day because it was the reason the laundry didn’t get done. I was so upset I started praying “Lord, the outcome of this situation can go in so many different ways. Please help me with my mouth because I don’t trust myself.” After I showered, I immediately began laundry; only to run out of detergent. Communication was at a minimum. Off to the grocery store I go. Tired, but who cares. Ordered pizza, finished laundry (he helped) and that was the end of that; so I thought.

Jimmie later wanted to know why I was upset, he said he would do laundry and didn’t know why I went ahead and did it. Now ladies…I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. But since I had already prayed, I was prepared to respond without raft. I simply said, “Because it’s just the two of us, when you decide not to do something, I do not have a choice. I have no options but to get it done. I know you said you would do it; however, your track record makes that statement only 50% true leaving a 50% chance for you to put it off until tomorrow and I needed clean panties and bras”.

The subject changed and that was the end of our 5%. Pick your battles people. It can help simply an unpleasant situation.

Halfway through the graduation something happened that I could not have prepared for. Totally caught off guard, internally I became in emotional wreck. Not to mention, it had absolutely nothing to do with our daughter. I had totally forgotten that one of JiMia’s classmates died around Spring Break; after a long battle with cancer. When his parents stood up to receive the first diploma…(pause)… umm… ok this is not an easy article; which is why it took me so long to write about the graduation.

When the parents stood up to receive their son’s diploma, there was in unexplainable hole in my soul for that mother. My spirit immediately began to weep. It was as if someone sucked the air out of me for a few seconds. What was she thinking, feeling, or going through at that exact moment. I was thinking, “That could have been Jimmie and I on that front row, or any other parent in the room”; standing proud, trying to be strong for each other. I can’t imagine the strain on their marriage; as a result of their loss.

Parenting is not easy; for real… it’s not. Learn how to celebrate the good, forgive the bad and move past the ugly. Remember, tomorrow is not promised to any of us or our children. That’s why, when I heard our daughters name called I cried, yelled and cheered like there was no tomorrow.

Now maybe it’s just Jimmie and I, but we often notice the girls tend to treat their friends better than they treat each other. They seem to share more and disagree less with people who do not live with us. At first I use to think we should have allowed them to share the same bedroom longer to establish a relationship and closer bond at an earlier age. People use to tell me not to worry; they’ll get along better once they get older. Apparently 18 and 15 is not old enough. They just had another “blowout” earlier this week. The younger daughter did apologize the next day; which I thought was nice of her.

Nonetheless, what I’ve noticed over the years is that every time one of them reaches out and does something nice for the other, they soon regret it. The sister on the receiving end takes the gesture for granted and often shows very little appreciation. Needless to say, it usually fuels the next argument.  They don’t spend time together (unless they have to) or even allowed in each others room. They have never been physical with each other; however, that doesn’t mean they haven’t thought about it. Maybe because we do almost everything as a family they’re just in need of their own space. I don’t know. We can’t be the only parents experiencing this type of “love” among our daughters. We’ve talked and talked…and talked about the importance of love and sisterhood.  It can be so frustrating sometimes; especially when Jimmie’s away at work.

No two kids are exactly the same. We understand that. We just didn’t think their differences would cause so much conflict between them. I don’t know about Jimmie, but I’m growing tired. As a mother, it’s definitely taking its toll on me. I’m open for suggestions…

It doesn’t matter if you are married with kids or a single parent; many of you can relate. At the end of the day, when we look at our “to do list”, what have we accomplished? Did the most important things on our list get done? Did the list grow? Is the list becoming stressful? Or better yet, has our “to do list” become a mental note to self, because we’re to busy to write anything down? Or send a reminder to your cell phone, if that’s your thing.

The bottom line is many of us don’t slow down until a health concern forces us to. Sometimes I choose sleep over food or I’ll eat my breakfast and/or dinner in the car. You do that sometimes too? I know. That has to stop. I’m determined to be proactive and improve the way I manage time. There’s a reason we’re only given 24 hours a day. Think about it…8 hours to work, 8 hours to rest, 8 hours left. What’s the problem?

Many of us pray and then say we’re waiting on an answer. No we’re not. We’re to busy being distracted with our “to do list”. Or maybe (talking to myself) we’re too tired and sleepy to hear. As I attempt to simplify my life, I look at my list and ask myself: Did the things I accomplished today please God or man? Does my “to do list” look like the list He has for me? Is He on my “to do list”? Come on…don’t let me go there by myself. Focus on what matters most.

When I saw the hurt in our daughter’s eyes and how she struggled to hold back her tears, I immediately became defensive. Can my child where her own costume first, before sharing it? We didn’t even know the other dancer she was giving it to. And to add insult to injury, the other dancer would actually have to wear it twice before giving it back to our daughter to wear once. That was sooo not cool.

Not feeling spiritual at all, I’m repeating to myself, “What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?” Sure enough, there was a “ram in the bush” that calmed me down. She actually knew the other dancer and her mom very well. In a calm voice she said, “Kristia, it’s okay. You don’t have anything to worry about. They’re good people”. But I heard, put yourself in their shoes. (Thanks Ms. K.) I took our daughter to the side and said okay this is a lesson in humility. We’ll be fine. This is a temporary fix and we’re not going to be selfish. I also reminded her that she was still missing a skirt.

Let’s put ourselves in their shoes. The dance instructor was in a bind and probably asked herself, “Who would be understanding and willing to help me?” In other words, who has her back? We do…and I’m glad she knows it. Now let’s think about the other dancer. She doesn’t have a costume for not one, but two of her dances. And to make matters worse, she has to borrow from someone she doesn’t even know. She’s probably thinking, what if the costume doesn’t even fit?

By the time it was all over, not only did the other dancer wear my daughter’s costume, I also offered to style her hair for the remaining four competitions. Wow…I know… you didn’t see that one coming. Neither did I, until I personally introduced myself and saw a need. We are all surrounded by opportunities to help one another. If you don’t know where to start, simply put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Yes, I am the straw that stirs the spiritual drink in our home, the glue that holds us all together, the one who knows where everything is around the house, the multi – tasker, thinker and communicator. Wait…I’ve just described you too, didn’t I? Trust me ladies, I know I’m not the only “Queen” taking care of the King’s business! Some of you missed that.

Question: What do you do when you don’t feel like being that strong, intelligent woman all the time?

Maybe it’s just me, but every now and then I don’t want to be the responsible one. Every now and then I don’t want to know what I know. Every now and then I want to erase the “S” for super tattooed above my breast. Every now and then I want to … But I can’t, because every now and then I’m reminded that I was not created to please me. Determined to please my Maker is where my strength overrides my weakness to please myself. Jimmie and the girls simply reap the benefits.

A little reluctant, she agreed to participate. I told her to look at it as practice for her next project; preferably a paid one. The day before the contest at school, she was extremely sick and spent most of the evening in bed with no appetite. Dropping out was not an option. The next morning she picked out her “It’s showtime!” outfit, took some medicine for upset stomach, and headed off to school. This time there were only nine participants, and the judges were from a local college nearby. Before the announcer could finish her name, the crowd went wild! No stranger to the stage, our daughter approached the mic, took a deep breath and recited her first poem. The applause were overwhelming. Round two was no different with the exception of a standing ovation. She felt great about her performance and enjoyed the attention, of course. And the winner is….not her.

That’s right, she didn’t even place. She looked over at her Literature teacher. “I’m so proud of you”, she said. Surprised, disappointed and hurt, she kept her head up and congratulated the three winners. That’s our girl! “Mommy, I don’t understand how I can go on auditions, get paid to perform and not even place at a school contest”. “I know baby. It’s their loss”. To her surprise, later that evening she began receiving text messages: I can’t believe you didn’t win. You should have won. You were the best one up there. You are a “phenomenal woman” (the title of one of her poems)! She text back: Thanks guys.

The next morning the unthinkable happened. As she walked down the hall, her classmates began the applause all over again. Even two of the winners congratulated her and told her she should have won first place. Teachers also congratulated her on a job well done. One even had “phenomenal woman” written on the board when she walked into class. We don’t know what happened, said another. As for her Literature teacher, she had the class give another standing ovation and the class next door joined in. Wow….losing never felt so good!

On a different note:
It would be selfish to share our family joys and not acknowledge Haiti. Words can not describe what the people of Haiti are experiencing right now. I commend every worker, volunteer and country for their efforts and support. Our family prayers go out to Haitians all over the world; and we will continue to do our part in helping as well. In the meantime, I dedicate this song on their behalf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztCZ1NMhNPU  .

Be blessed.

While I agree with “pep talks”, I would definitely change the closer as it relates to parenting. I truly believe the reason why Jimmie and I have such a healthy relationship with our girls is because we let them see the real Kristia and Jimmie; who just happens to also be mommy and daddy. We’ve been doing this parenting thing for 18 years now and I have to admit, we’ve learned a lot about ourselves. Have you ever took a good, hard look at your child/children? Excluding their outer appearance, do you find any familiarity in their personality, behavior, habits, choices, etc., that you can relate to? Maybe it’s just our family. You see, our oldest daughter is me to the third power. Likewise, our youngest thinks and acts a lot like Jimmie. In other words, they’re a younger version of us.

As parents, we all want respect from our kids. Be honest, the world may not respect you, but it’s something about knowing your child respects you that makes everything else ok. Unfortunately, parents often make the mistake of trying to obtain their child’s respect by being someone they’re not. Eventually, the child finds out (they always do) and concludes that their life has been nothing but a lie. From that moment on, they tend to lose all respect for their parent(s) and trust becomes a concern in every relationship thereafter. I can’t imagine looking in the mirror and not getting a reflection. When the girls see us they see laughter, compromises, patience, unity, tears, honesty, mistakes, stability, frustration, teamwork and so on. When we don’t know something, we don’t pretend like we do. We admit that some things we learn as we grow; usually we’ll do it together. Typically, we’ll all agree on the “best guess” or what makes sense at the time, and go for it. Sometimes it works in our favor. Sometimes it doesn’t. What’s important is that we tried it as a family and learned something new. Our girls see our strengths, but they also witness our weaknesses from time to time. If they look at us and don’t see a reflection, there’s nothing to respect. Kids are curious about their identity. They respect who and/or what they can relate to.

So go ahead… let your child see you sweat. It will take the pressure off of them to be perfect. I know with all of my imperfections, at the end of the day, God loves me no matter what. Shouldn’t our kids feel the same way about us?

I remember growing up, watching my mom often struggle to take care of my sister and I, by herself. She made time for us even when it was obvious she was exhausted. I remember her saying, “Just let mama close her eyes for a few minutes, then I’ll be ready.” I remember watching her sit at the kitchen table, covered with bills, and meditate on which ones were going to get paid that pay period. I use to sit at the table with her and pick out the smallest bill and try to figure out how I could pay it for her. I remember listening to family members say negative things to my mom; yet watch her be there when they needed her. I also remember wondering, where was everybody when she/we needed help? Occasionally, we did receive unhealthy help. You know the kind that makes it publicly known to family and friends that it helped you and never let you forget? The kind that you knew you’d regret taking, but felt you had no choice. Moving on…

During the holidays, I remember my mom working overtime for extra money for big family dinners and gifts. My junior year in college, I remember saving my food stamps (you had to be a fulltime student, receiving financial aid and working part time to qualify) and buying grocery for Thanksgiving. I’ll never forget the look on my moms face when I surprised her with them. I remember waking up at 5am on Christmas mornings to open gifts before my mom went to work; just so she could witness the excitement and share those precious moments with my sister and I. My mom would sacrifice and work on Christmas so she could be home on New Years Day.

My mom was a strong, loving, person. I believe she did her best, in raising my sister and I. Today, we’re both married with two kids. Sometimes our mom stumbled; but she always bounced back with a sense of humor out of this world. Laughter always tastes better than tears. I know…I remember that too.