Over the past two weeks, I’ve seen wedding photos and a video from two different newlyweds. One couple, were high schools sweethearts. The other recently met at another wedding they both attended. Based on what I saw, the couples seemed happy and it was evident their weddings were well planned. It made me think about our girls and how their special day will be. Then I thought, what if Jimmie and I disagree with their choice of mate. Let’s keep it real people, it happens all the time. What happens when a person finds that special someone (of opposite sex, let me be clear on that) and plans to spend the rest of their life with them, only to learn that their parent(s) refuse to or reluctantly give their blessings.
“I know my daughter. She can find someone better than that”. “She’s no good for my son. He’s making a big mistake marrying her”. “They’re just in it for the money!” Or how about this one, “She must be pregnant.”
You’re probably laughing because you’ve heard or made at least one of these statements before. Now, the statements may be true or false. Parents and people in general fail to realize, just because we do not support a couple’s decision to marry doesn’t mean the marriage will be unsuccessful. I tell people all the time, “It doesn’t matter how you start…it’s how you finish.” At the end of the day, that’s what’s important. We need to also understand that it’s okay to disagree with our child or loved ones choice of mate. It’s even okay to share with them (notice I said “them”) why we feel the way we do. It’s not okay to decide we’re not going to be supportive and publicly reject them among other friends and loved ones. Mom and/or dad, that’s not cool. Don’t make your child or loved one have to choose between their relationship with you and entering a life-long relationship with their someone special. The results can be costly.
Marriage can and will be tough at times. Why add negative energy and harm the ones we love just because we disagree? If we really have their best interest at heart, shouldn’t we leave the door open so they can walk right in and share when they need to?
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I find myself planning sharon’s wedding at times!! its sad but so true. I always wanted to be a winter bride so i told her to promise me she would be one!! But it is so true we never think about if our children decide to marry someone who we don’t approve of. To be honest if sharon or zuri were to decide they wanted to marry the same sex or some thug, they would have to go at it alone(financially) we are not giving money to something we don’t agree with. We will support them and maybe even show up, but i would be lying if i said we would just sit back and accept it for what it is. This blog is all about keeping it real!! well i just did!! LOL
JayJay: You brought up a good point. Monetary support is not the only way to be supportive. Thanks for keeping it real!
Now granted I have already put a veil on my 4month old but in any direction she goes I will be open even if I may not be totally happy because the truth is she has to deal with that person not me. I say the same for my son although I know it would be a little harder for me. You know how moms are about there sons, I just pray that he makes the right decision with the right woman. Cause we all know how some women can be!
Kristia, I try to remember that I cannot live for my children,so no matter what I think,they have the right to make their own choices and make their own decisions. Ms.Baker