I Remember…

During the holiday seasons, I often reflect on my childhood days because my mom was big on holiday celebrations. For me, it’s sort of bittersweet. I enjoy the moments with Jimmie and the girls; however, I also miss my mom being here to share them with us. In a few days, I’ll be celebrating my 40th Birthday. In today’s society, it’s considered a blessing to see your adult years; however, it also reminds me of how long my mom’s been gone and how much of my life she’s missed.

I remember growing up, watching my mom often struggle to take care of my sister and I, by herself. She made time for us even when it was obvious she was exhausted. I remember her saying, “Just let mama close her eyes for a few minutes, then I’ll be ready.” I remember watching her sit at the kitchen table, covered with bills, and meditate on which ones were going to get paid that pay period. I use to sit at the table with her and pick out the smallest bill and try to figure out how I could pay it for her. I remember listening to family members say negative things to my mom; yet watch her be there when they needed her. I also remember wondering, where was everybody when she/we needed help? Occasionally, we did receive unhealthy help. You know the kind that makes it publicly known to family and friends that it helped you and never let you forget? The kind that you knew you’d regret taking, but felt you had no choice. Moving on…

During the holidays, I remember my mom working overtime for extra money for big family dinners and gifts. My junior year in college, I remember saving my food stamps (you had to be a fulltime student, receiving financial aid and working part time to qualify) and buying grocery for Thanksgiving. I’ll never forget the look on my moms face when I surprised her with them. I remember waking up at 5am on Christmas mornings to open gifts before my mom went to work; just so she could witness the excitement and share those precious moments with my sister and I. My mom would sacrifice and work on Christmas so she could be home on New Years Day.

My mom was a strong, loving, person. I believe she did her best, in raising my sister and I. Today, we’re both married with two kids. Sometimes our mom stumbled; but she always bounced back with a sense of humor out of this world. Laughter always tastes better than tears. I know…I remember that too.