Let Them See You Sweat

We all know what a “pep talk” is, right? It’s that brief, yet familiar speech before a big event (game, presentation, competition, performance, etc). They are known to help calm your nerves, build your confidence and/or get you excited about your potential (not yet accomplished) success. “Remember, never let them see you sweat” is a common closer, used at the end of the “pep talk”. It simply means hide your weakness (fear, lack of knowledge, tears, etc.)

While I agree with “pep talks”, I would definitely change the closer as it relates to parenting. I truly believe the reason why Jimmie and I have such a healthy relationship with our girls is because we let them see the real Kristia and Jimmie; who just happens to also be mommy and daddy. We’ve been doing this parenting thing for 18 years now and I have to admit, we’ve learned a lot about ourselves. Have you ever took a good, hard look at your child/children? Excluding their outer appearance, do you find any familiarity in their personality, behavior, habits, choices, etc., that you can relate to? Maybe it’s just our family. You see, our oldest daughter is me to the third power. Likewise, our youngest thinks and acts a lot like Jimmie. In other words, they’re a younger version of us.

As parents, we all want respect from our kids. Be honest, the world may not respect you, but it’s something about knowing your child respects you that makes everything else ok. Unfortunately, parents often make the mistake of trying to obtain their child’s respect by being someone they’re not. Eventually, the child finds out (they always do) and concludes that their life has been nothing but a lie. From that moment on, they tend to lose all respect for their parent(s) and trust becomes a concern in every relationship thereafter. I can’t imagine looking in the mirror and not getting a reflection. When the girls see us they see laughter, compromises, patience, unity, tears, honesty, mistakes, stability, frustration, teamwork and so on. When we don’t know something, we don’t pretend like we do. We admit that some things we learn as we grow; usually we’ll do it together. Typically, we’ll all agree on the “best guess” or what makes sense at the time, and go for it. Sometimes it works in our favor. Sometimes it doesn’t. What’s important is that we tried it as a family and learned something new. Our girls see our strengths, but they also witness our weaknesses from time to time. If they look at us and don’t see a reflection, there’s nothing to respect. Kids are curious about their identity. They respect who and/or what they can relate to.

So go ahead… let your child see you sweat. It will take the pressure off of them to be perfect. I know with all of my imperfections, at the end of the day, God loves me no matter what. Shouldn’t our kids feel the same way about us?