Be it mothers-in-law or mother-in-laws. The latter sounds better to me. Okay, I think I’m beginning to finally understand why there are so many negative stories about mother-in-laws. While I do agree that some may be from hell, let me just say, mine is not. I believe my mother-in-law and I get along very well compared to many. We don’t always agree, but neither does her son and I. Smile!
After listening to many complaints from other wives over the years, I’ve come to realize mother-in-laws are not always to blame. Some mothers are very protective of their sons. Often times a mother tends to feel threatened by the new woman in her son’s life. That’s where the pettiness of competing for his attention comes into play. Likewise, some fathers are the same way with their daughters. However, I’ve experienced more wives, then husbands, complaining about their mother-in-laws. So to be fair, I asked Jimmie what is the one thing most husbands complain about regarding their wives’ mothers. She’s always in their business was the #1 response. While this seems to be a common problem in many marriages, it is not limited solely to the wife’s mother.
I believe because women are known to be communicators, many of us don’t have a problem confronting our mothers with a valid concern. My mother is deceased, so for me it’s past tense. Whether there is a concern that directly affects the daughter or her husband and/or children, mother-daughter talks are common-if their relationship is healthy. As a result, a husband can express his concerns to his wife about her mother and know that she will respectfully address them. Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple for wives.
Because men tend to be small talkers, I believe many avoid confrontations at all cost; especially with their mothers. It doesn’t matter if the concern is about him directly or his wife and/or children. He will complain to his wife or even agree with a complaint his wife may have; but never address the concerns with his mother. Not only is it not fair to his wife, it isn’t fair to his mother because she has no idea that there is a problem. And if she does, she has no obligation to address it. As a result, the wife is left to speak on her own behalf (kids included) or stay silent out of respect for her husband and his mother. In my opinion, some husbands often create the wedge between their wives and mothers.
When women are not able to communicate verbally, we tend to express ourselves by any other means necessary -facials, gestures, body language, you name it. Often times, wives will distance themselves all together from their mother-in-laws. Not because of something said or done, but just the opposite. What do you think?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
My mother in law just returned to Kenya on Sat. I found out a lot about my husband. He is a true mama’s boy! I have new respect for my mother-in-law. She is a woman with a lot of wisdom. She has made me look at life so differently. I truly understand where my husband gets his values on saving money and education. Some may consider me lucky considering she lives in Africa but i wish i had the opportunity to spend more time with her. Its all about appreciating your differences and agreeing to disagree.
Kristia you are awesome!!
JayJay: Thanks. I totally agree with you, appreciating our differences in any relationship is a good thing.
I can say, I am one of the lucky ones. My mother-in-law are great friends. She lives in Mississipi which is 6 hours from where I live but I can call on her for advice and she is a great listener as well. Even though my mom is still alive and I talk with her daily, it is nice to call my mother-in-law and get tips and pointers from her when it concerns her son. I am truly blessed to have her.
Bridgett: Your relationship with your mother-in-law sounds like a blessing. Unfortunately, not all wives can say that.
You absolutely nailed it sister! I especially agree with the notion that most men are to blame for the distances between the wife and his mother. Husbands sometimes “vent” to outside people (mostly, their mothers) when there’s a problem, and when the problem goes away between the wife and husband, the problem still remains with the mother-in-law. Outside people are less forgiving because they are not the “two” sharing that committed love. In my opinion, husbands need to practice venting to the Heavenly Father instead of “fishing buddies and mothers”! After the storm has passed, He (the Heavenly Father) will still love the both of you!!!
Ain’t that the truth. I’ll just be honest my mother-in-law gets on my last nerve, but gotta love her she’s being herself daily.